Born slippy..

Actually this title has absolutely nothing to do with this post, except for the fact that I'm listening to the song "Born Slippy" by Underworld. If you have seen Trainspotting, this is the song playing when Renton walks over the bridge at the end of the movie.

Through much prodding, cajoling, and threats to my well being, I am going to write a little ditty about my ideal mate. To be honest, I find this whole thing kind of trivial because I don't think there is such a thing as the ideal mate. I'm not even going to discuss soul-mates because if that's true, then I'm so SCREWED (and I don't mean in a good way). I guess I kind of go with the theory you meet someone, get to know them, and if it sparks up, then giddy up. Of course that theory might just explain why I'm single, so I don't endorse it at any level. So let's get some definitions out of the way. If by ideal you mean some qualities or attributes that I would want in perfect world then I guess I can say something. If by ideal, you mean something that no one person can even hope to achieve, then this post will be very, very short.

So I shall go with first definition. A little background will be helpful on this issue. I have dated a pretty disparate group of women. Absolutely, none of them look the same and many of their personalities are quite different. If I had to find a common theme between all of them, it would be intellgence and the rare ability to put up with my sense of humor. Since this blog is all about honesty, I probably have to mention what attracted them to me as a man. We all know that men are visual creatures (stupid, simple-minded beasts would be another term) and I'm certainly no different. There is one thing that a girl has to have in my world is a nice set of ... errrrrrrr... well for now this is a PG-rated blog. Let's just say I'm not an ass-man nor am I legs man. That and a pretty face. Not a glamour model face, just a pretty face. She has to have a nice smile, since I can't smile. Really I can't smile, I either grin or have this straight lipped smile. It's actually kind of funny how lame it is. One of these days I will post a picture of me and my lame ass smile. I like a woman who can wear a baseball cap one minute and toss on a ballroom gown the next.

I should also admit that most of the girls I have dated started out as friends and most of them asked me out. (My inherent inability to see a girl hitting on me is a long story, probably best suited for a GCOL post). Only one past girlfriend has the rare combo of me hitting on her and us not being friends beforehand. That was probably the most intense relationship I have ever had , but probably the one that has caused me the most sleepless nights. Let's just say infidelity and seeing someone everyday after a break up is not conducive to a clean break. So that being said, lets delve into those attributes.

Since we all get ugly as we grow old, it has always been my belief that personalities and trust are the cornerstones of a relationship. So if there is some initial spark, and the sex is good then you gotta have something else. I guess this is where my ideal attributes (though I use this term very loosely) come into play. As I mentioned, intelligence is a key. I'm a reasonably intelligent guy, though every day I find how little I freakin' know. So I guess a by-product of intelligence is the willingness to learn something new. In 2003, I helped my parents remodel their kitchen and we needed to rewire the kitchen. So I sat down, read a book and rewired the kitchen. Installed new switches, new plugs and new lights. It looks pretty awesome. So a willingness to learn about new things outside of their normal range. If the woman is smarter than I am, I don't even have a problem with that. Two funny stories here. First, I used to swim in high school and well I swam to play water polo. In water polo it's good to be big and strong, but for swimming not so good. I used to have 12 year-old girls swim right by me. It was quite the shock. I learned pretty quick to get over it. Second, I got to law school and every girl I met was probably smarter than I was (Lauren and Karen, love ya gals!!!) . So I don't need to be the best or the smartest.

A second quality is a good sense of humor. Some might even say a warped sense of humor. I've seen a lot of weird things over the years, and I usually have some pretty obnoxious takes about them. If you can't handle diving into the gutter (and just as important if you don't get it) then you should probably just pass me by. I want a woman who can take getting razzed, and then dish it out twofold with things that would make a hardened submariner cry.

A woman who realizes a relationship is not 50-50. Some of you are thinking... there he is showing his true colors. He expects a woman to carry the majority of the load. My question to you, is how many women do you know 24-32 that can really cook? I've dated absolutely no women who can cook. Its my belief that more men cook now than women. That's fine with me I LOVE to cook. Frankly, I'm pretty freakin' good at it too. So other than proving how cool I am (I'm not), I'm trying to show that traditional roles have changed. More importantly, a relationship is never truly 50-50. It's more like 20-80, 30-70 depending on who is having a good week. Some weeks you are flying high and your partner isn't. Those are the weeks you need to suck it up and be more supportive and do some more things around the house.

She has to have passion... not only for me but for other things. It's even better if she has a passion for interests that we don't share. If her passion is creating shrub sculptures, then more power to her. It's not my cup of tea but if she wants to do it then I will support it. If she wants to have her own friend that do sculpt shrubs, super. It's ok to spend time apart.

The ability to say what she feels (aka honesty). This is a big one and probably relates heavily to my post on trust (GCOL #1). I want her to trust me enough to say, hey you're being a jack ass etc... Call me on my BS and my mood swings. This also plays into my feeling of no games. Nothing is more of a turn off than games. This is a really big factor in the dating period, because nothing is worse than not knowing where you stand. If you don't like me enough to date just say so, and let's not go through this game of figuring everything out. If I'm not "that' guy say so. Don't cheat on me to prove you don't like me, just break up with me. It's that simple.

I have to admit as I re-read what I have written it sounds so SELF-SERVING. Am I this picky about any one attribute other than trust, I don't think I am. Ultimately, I just want someone who cares as much as about me as I care about them. All the rest, is kind of secondary. We are going to have some good times and bad times. If we have a high level of trust, and know how much we care about one another, then it is easy to figure out the tough times. Written on paper, it seems pretty easy. When I figure it out or find that person, I'll let you know.