GCOL #3

Delving into inner demons: Cancerian mood swings.

I suspect after a while the frequency of these posts will decrease dramatically, but until that time, I offer another pondering on the greater complexities of life (I have to get some theme music for this). This week's foray will be into a subject near and dear to my heart: inner demons. By most accounts (or at least my mother's ;) ) I'm a pretty easy going guy, until something gets my ire. I can't always tell what is going to get my ire from day to day, but invariably it always happens when I least expect or want it to happen. Unfortunately when something does get my ire, I can go from friendly to angry in the drop of a hat (my sincere apologies to the good majority of the women who came by the fraternity house circa '92 to '93).

If I was pressed, I would guess at least two things get my ire quicker than anything else. The first of these things is inconsistency relating to some policy, law or even attitudes. A good example of this happened about a month ago. I was in Las Cruces visiting some very good college friends and attending the game between NMSU and UNM. After the game, we went to our normal haunt and I was tasked with getting the next round of drinks. So I rolled up to the bar and when the bartender arrives I start rolling off drink orders. She tells me you can only order two at once. I'm like WTF, last night the bartender told me to order all my drinks and then carry them back to the table two at a time. This sent me into "lawyer mode." I asked her in a terse tone what exactly the policy was in this bar because I was confused. Was this a hotel policy, a bar policy, a state law (BTW it isn't) or just some personal rule. As you can imagine, things progressed downhill from there. Honestly, it wasn't her fault she was just doing her job (very well I might add) but lack of consistency kills me.

Another thing that can send me into the stratosphere, is the feeling that someone is yanking my chain for no other reason than to watch me flinch. This one is especially sketchy, because it is heavily based on my perceptions of the person doing the yanking. Toss in friendship feelings, relationship feelings, potential relationship feelings and everybody can watch Scott spiral out of control. Come on !!! It's fun!!! Don't bring the kids though, this is an adult's only show. All kidding aside, I hate this inner demon the most because most of the time, it is my misinterpretation that causes the problem.

In the post election let-down, I will throw out a bonus "getting Scott's ire". This one I like to call "taking advantage of my helpful nature." I'm a pretty helpful guy, almost to a detriment. In law school, I would bust ass briefing cases and generally speaking, I was pretty happy to let other people use them. Of course this is quickly taken advantage of by people expecting to get a copy. I guess I should limit my helpfulness, but this is against my nature. So after time, I tend to get pretty resentful of people asking for my help and then offering absolutely nothing in return. As my sister mentioned to me, maybe you offer help seeking something in return. That is quite possibly and probably even likely. I'll be damned. Nonetheless, offer me a beer or something. Just remember, that I will remember your offer, so you better pay up some time. Another thing, don't ask me questions you can just as easily google yourself. I don't sit around all day trying to be a huge encyclopedia. Lastly, one thank you is enough and no... more than one doesn't stroke my ego.

Back to the probably the worst part of my inner demon. THE REACTION. Most of the time my reaction is what causes me the most costernation. My typical reaction is to stop talking. If I'm with a bunch of people, I literally stop talking which freaks people out (usually I'm the one that has a LOT to say). Quick quiz... how do you tell if Scott is on the verge of freaking out? If comments/replies to your comments/questions drop from sentences to mere words especially one word answers, THAT is a pretty good clue. Talk about a immature reaction. Sad thing, even at age 31, I still do it. Just the other night chatting with a friend online she made a comment that I should have taken light-heartedly and didn't. What did I do? Some lame comment about being tired and logged off. PATHETIC. I guess I would rationalize it under the cliche,"if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it", but what a cop-out.

So what to do? I'm not sure I have any great answers on this one. I guess I could try interpreting people's comments less. Unfortunately, I'm trained to analyze words and it's an ability hard lost and even harder to not apply. Toss in an affinity and great skill at crafting veiled insults and you have the perfect recipe for an inner demon. I guess a big improvement would be to clarify a misinterpretation with a simple question and not stop talking. Unfortunately, old habits and inner demons die hard. I guess it's one of things you have to learn to get better at.

This is a good place to stop, because it gives plenty of background to GCOL #4: DATING. Stay tuned.