I have been toying with this post for a couple of weeks because I wasn't really positive I wanted to broach the subject. Furthermore, if I decided to talk about this topic would I make sense to anyone but myself? Then again, if the subject of your blog is the "greater complexities of life" you had best talk about some of them. So with a couple of beers in me, and some Trent Reznor(that's Nine Inch Nails) flowing in my ears, here goes nothing.
My first foray into the greater complexities of life, Post #1, is the trust issue. This isn't a topic about trust in the legal sense (because frankly I studied for trusts once on the TX bar exam and forgot all of it), this is trust in the sense of human nature.
Trust is a fickle beast. Technically it is defined as "Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. " That definition is clean, almost precise, and it almost makes saying " I trust you" as easy as cutting apple pie. But as we all know to well, it isn't so easy to say those words. In fact, I might even venture to guess, they can be harder to say than "I love you." You are probably thinking to yourself, this guy is off his rocker or that he doesn't know what the hell he is talking about.
Think about it a little before you dismiss me. Isn't trust really the root of friendship and love? Without trust, would you tell your best friend about those bad things that happened in your life? Without trust would you tell a loved one that they are really "screwing the pooch"? Unless you are a real a-hole, chances are good that you trust the person and they trust you. Ultimately, this leads to a better question, which is what makes us trust someone.
I think people trust in two ways. First, those like me, who freely give out trust and then yank it away when there is a violation of that trust. I have trusted people freely at the beginning, only to learn that the person should have never earned that trust to begin with. This leads to the second type of person, those that give out trust in little bits, Which is better? If I had the answer to that question I would be trusting EVERYONE. Seriously though, it doesn't matter how you get to trusting people just that you know how YOU do it.
What is more important, in my mind, is building and maintaining trust. I am a pretty lucky guy because I have some really good friends. These are call them up at 3 am in the morning, and they will take your call kind of friends. Hell, I have more than one. That is the true sign of trust, when you call someone up at that time and know they will take your phone call. They have my back and I have their back. I have some other friends I might call in a pinch, and then those I probably wouldn't bother calling. The root of all this is TRUST. I know I can call those guys at 3am, and they know that I won't be calling them to jerk their chain.
That trust didn't come easily or over a short period of time. It took lots and lots of work. Unfortunately, I have a friend or two that I find that I'm losing trust in. Not because they have done anything wrong, but because I don't know them as well as I used to. As I grow older, I find that trust is becoming harder and harder to maintain. That scares me. I have friends that I have known for over 10 years and it comes to mind that I really don't know them very well anymore. Therefore, I'm not sure I trust them as much as I used to.
Maybe this lack of trust comes down to the fact that I don't think I know them anymore. To me the root of trust is how well you know someone or THINK you know someone. That in turn makes you question yourself, because if you don't know yourself, how in the hell are you going to know another person? I guess it boils down to this common point. You have to work to build and maintain trust. It isn't fun and sometimes it can be a real pain, but sometimes you have to reach out there and give it a try. Every once in a while, trust is going to bite you on the ass and leave you with a nasty gash. I will take that tradeoff, knowing that I have the possibility of making a trusting relationship.
Ultimately, I guess my definition of trust is the unwavering feeling in yourself that you really, truly know someone.